Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Mother of the Year


"nnnnooooo.... I don't waaant waaaterrrrr I waaannntt MIIIIILLLLLKKKKK!"
"Mommy... mommy... mommy... mooooommmmy"

"aaaahhhhhh..... nooooo waaaatttteeeerrrr..... uh oh.." crash, SPLASH
"STOOOOP WHIIIINING! YOU GUYS ARE DRIVING ME
NUTS!!!"
what a loving, nurturing mother.
I'm sorry, I had just HAD it! What is it about the year 3 mile marker that bestows on a child the beloved (I use the word beloved due to the fact that mini me seems to love it... NOT mommy) gift of whining perfection. And when you have a second child they forget to tell you that SUPRISE child #2 may or may not skip right on ahead to future stages if their big brother or sister seem to be enjoying them.
I was outnumbered and surrounded. It was like chinese water torture. Whining and moaning ALL.... DAY... LONG... drip.... drip... drip... I was bound to crack. And crack I did. I screamed at my children. Not just a scream... it was a GROWL. Have you ever read the Twilight series (yes, I enjoy the occasional vampire romance novel. Who doesn't? And yes, if everyone else decided to jump off a cliff, I would probably be airborn within moments. What?)? [If you have not partaken of the awesomness that is this series, you better do a little wearwolf research or you won't understand this:] If I were a wearwolf I would have "phased" right then and there. I must have a little canine in me however, and you would believe it if you heard the snarl that came out of my throat.
Anyway... back to the beginning....
"STOOOOP CRYYYYING! YOU GUYS ARE DRIVING ME NUTS!!!"
Not the "Parent of the Year Award" method of choice but certainly the 2 or 3 year old method of choice... and lets face it WHO GETS THEIR WAY MORE OFTEN? That's right, not choice, but EFFECTIVE in securing me the desired response: silence.
Oh, sweet silence, why are you so absent from my life? We are so good together.
Yes, my two sweet little whiners froze in their tracks and stared at me. What do you think happened next? If MY mom phased into a wherewolf in front of my eyes when I was but a toddler I would have curled up into a little ball and cried. Maybe they are more advanced than their respective 3 and 1 1/2 year old ages would suggest and they saw the error of their ways and ran to me with open arms telling me they were sorry and pleading for my forgiveness?
Oh... the silence was broken all right.
With peals of laughter.
Apparently I'm not as intimidating as I thought I was.
However, they did stop whining until bedtime so crisis averted right? Right.
UNTIL....
I noticed the back door.
Wide open.
With a whole audience of neighbors standing at the bottom of my steps with mouths hanging open to the ground.
Okay, no one was standing at my door, but they may as well have been. I'm sure my ROAR was loud enough for my parents to hear 45 min. south of where I live.
I'm still waiting for the SWAT Team to bust through my door.
If they haul me away... tell my kids I love them.
p.s. No actual children were hurt during the making or reinactment of this story. I LOVE my children and I DO NOT abuse them. I just periodically turn into a maned creature with fangs... that doesn't eat and/or hurt children in any way I might add. Plus I bought them an icecream cone later.
Also... I LOVE JACOB... GO WHEREWOLVES!
Have YOU ever been caught doing something really embarrasing?

5 comments:

Meili said...

Oh, didn't the police show up? I called 911 when I heard growling next door...

Heather said...

I too "phase" into werewolf, and sadly it is more often than I would like to admit.

Arian said...

I am really impressed if you've gotten this far with a three year old and an 18 month old and are just now trying to limit the amount of times you "phase" in a day. When I was reading about Jacob and his anger management methods, I thought for sure Stephenie Meyers was really writing about me... :)

Like sisters musings about life... said...

I felt bad about my "phasing" too, at a point but I realized I was normal when my baby monitors picked up a certain un-named neighbor yelling at her kids. LOL

Quela said...

Yeah, I totally heard you all the way at my house!! j/k No worries it happens. At least you didn't loose your clothes in the process. How would your kids have reacted then? Just try not to make "phasing" a habit or you will be stuck in werewolf mode for life.