Confessions of a Stay at Home Mom

My Sweet Savannah,

Oh how I love you. I want you to know that. I don't get to tell you everyday like I do your brother and sister. But I do.

I want you to know, that although I don't cry anymore I still miss you. Heavenly Father has work for mommy to do sweetheart, just like He has for you. So I have moved forward, just like you have. But there is a difference between moving FORWARD and moving ON. I will never move on and forget about you.

I am glad that you are in a safe, happy place. I am glad that my Grandma and Grandpa T. are there with you and that you have little angel friends like Zee, Scott, and Mac, just to name a few, to serve with. More than anything I'm glad you are with our Savior. I hope He gives you lots of hugs for me. Come to think of it... I bet He gives you better hugs than I ever could.... so when we meet again just pretend, for me, that I give the best hugs ever!

I hope you know that I always wanted you. Even though I cried sometimes when I was pregnant, wondering how I was possibly going to juggle three very young children, I always wanted you. Even though a lot of people around me felt the need to remind me that we were crazy to have you... I always wanted you. I know that you came when Heavenly Father needed you to. You were not an accident, and you going back to Heaven was not an accident. He has a plan for all of us, even one as tiny and precious as you. And I know, that if you had not had another more important mission, you would have fit right in with our family and Heavenly Father would have helped us make it through the craziness. Even if without His blessings your mommy would not be capable. It doesn't matter what we are capable of. The Savior can and does make up the difference.. and the end result is all that matters right?

There is nothing special about today. There is no anniversary that falls on this day. There is nothing specific that triggered this note to you. Just a mommy wanting her little lovey girl to know that on a normal, insignificant day I am thinking about you and loving you all the way to Heaven! You are in my heart and you and your brother and sister are my inspiration to try everyday to be a better mommy, a better wife, a better friend, a better neighbor, a better stander in looonnng tiring grocery store lines just a better all around person. It is a long process, and I am so far from where I want to be that it is frustrating sometimes. But you are my reminder that I am capable of helping create something perfect and that gives me hope.

I want you to know, if my being sad in the past has held you back at all from getting to the work you have to do... you are free to get to it. I want you to move forward too. Be happy. Serve the Lord. Practice your dancing with Zee... she has some moves... you definitely won't inherit any from me.

I love you forever sweetheart.

I can't wait for the day that I see you again.... but lets enjoy the journey there.

Love FOREVER,
Mommy