Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Have you ever had a best friend? Someone that is there for you through the good, bad and uuuugly? Someone that you love with all your heart and without whom you may just cease to exist? And have you ever had that perfect, sent from above, friendship tainted when she marries a total jerk? Seriously why do seemingly perfect girls pick loser partners? I know everyone should get to choose who they spend the rest of their life with, but come on... aren't they thinking of their better half? The half that had them first before jerk face stepped into the picture?

I am sorry to report that this was the fate of the glorious relationship I had with my BFF of 18+ years.

We were the BEST of friends. She was there for me during the awkward, gangly "still wearing my pink plastic glasses from 4th grade even though I was in 9th grade" days. She never left my side on the nights I sat at home when everyone else got asked to the dance and I was overlooked. She was there to celebrate with me the day I FINALLY got my period and entered womanhood a million years after everyone else.

She was my best friend.

And she was/is beautiful.

Let me introduce you to her.

Isn't she gorgeous?

For those of you out there that are saying to yourself, "Wait a minute! I thought I was your best friend!"... ummmm do you know me? Because anyone that truly knew me would know of my love for this bosom buddy of mine and would not be threatened by it, but would instead embrace it.... and in doing so fall in love themselves and fight me for a piece of her affection.

Here is the jerk she married. I hate him with every fiber of my being.His name is Thunder Thighs. He showed up in our life right around the time I graduated high school and he has been the constant companion to my beloved icecream ever since. I used to have her all to myself, without her wretched Thunder Thighs companion.

She is still there for me and she always will be. And don't get me wrong, I still revel in her companionship and find comfort in her embrace... but it will never be the same. She still shows up to keep me company when Hubs is out of town... but Thunder Thighs is always tagging along after her.

Curse him!

I've tried every trick in the world to get rid of him... now there's only one thing left to do...

I'm going to start seeing this guy on the side in the hopes that he chases Thunder Thighs away...

I don't like him much more than I like Thunder Thighs... but it's worth it to get my best friend all to myself again!


Stephanie said...

O.K, so I'm peeing my pants at this one. I thought I'd seen enough when a picture of a belly litterally hanging to the ground under a dress circulated throug the world, but this, ARGHHHHHHHHH! Thanks for the good laugh today. I agree, I love my best friend! Her husband is a "Big Butt!" Literally!

Stephanie said...

You know, the family pictures you took a while ago show how much pants "hide" things. You don't look like you have such massive legs. Maybe you should stay away from shorts and bikini's for a while!

Bretzing Fam said...

LOL....that bad bad husband.

Emily Ortiz said...

That is so funny and true! I miss the high school days too of eating whatever and not worrying about it!

Arian said...

Ok, that was seriously awesome! I was sitting there reading thru it wondering who on earth you were talking about. Then I scrolled down and totally lol'd. Awesome! I couldn't agree more though. Thunder Thighs came in and ruined everything! you are hilarious.

Loralee and the gang... said...

Wow you totally had me hooked and sad that you lost your REAL best friend to a jerk guy...I know, I know, that's what you meant to do, and you did it well! You're a great writer - I just wish you'd post more!