Campaign 2008

CRASH...BOOM..HISS...AAAAAHHHH

HIT THE DECK!!!

World War three was erupting in my living room. I came running... praying it wasn't too late. As the smoke cleared I discovered the heart of the action: two little boys flailing around on floor fighting for their very lives.

"NO YOU DOOOOOON'T"

"YES I DOOOO!"

"POOPOO HEAD"

"NO YOU ARE!

"NO YOOOOOU ARE!"

TIME OUT!!!

Oh how I wish at times like these that phrase had the same impact they did on Saved By the Bell. That the world around me would freeze as it was and I could remove the frozen soldiers from their death grips and reposition them to opposite sides of the... globe... SERIOUSLY.

Unfortunately life doesn't work like that so (sans appropriat bomb defusing attire) I entered the warzone and pried the two combatants off each other.

Okay, lets solve this diplomatically.

Defendant #1 state your case.

"He says he has Cocoa Puffs at his house, but he DOESN'T.. I DO!"

Defendant #2 interjects: "YES I DOOOO YOU DON'T!"

Seriously? I shouldn't be suprised. I really wouldn't be suprised if the real WW3 was initiated over such a life or death disagreement. After all wars are usually started by men...

I stood in the middle of them with a palm to each little head holding them back from each other as we resolved the situation and each eventually submitted to the fact that it was okay for both of them to have Cocoa Puffs at each of their respective homes.

Whew catastrophe averted.

Add war diplomat to my resume.

Here is why being a boy is great, though. They were about to end each others lives one minute and the next:

Best buds again!

Maybe I should head down to Afghanistan and put Osama bin Laden in a headlock. Wouldn't that save a lot of time and money? Then maybe we could focus on something more important like getting these gosh dang oil/grocery/everything else prices down so that I can once again afford a good pedicure!

The moral of THIS story:

VOTE MOMMY FOR PRESIDENT

Mommy Must Confess...

I LOVE these kids...

More than anything in the whole wide world!

My home... no my LIFE has been taken over by midgets!

Some of you may say that I qualify as one who is vertically challenged... BUT I'm talking about elves. Real live little imps that cause mischief and disarray. Objects suspiciously disappearing... and mysteriously REappearing in such places as my shoes, the toilet... most obnoxiously the NOSES of my perfect, un-naughty little children. Messes magically REappear moments after I have cleaned them. ...MY children would never cause such a disaster. Unidentified malodious vapors coming from my spotless childrens rooms.

These little trouble makers have also taken over my car. When I start the car Justin Timberlake (YES, I love the curly mopped beebopper) has been replaced by beebopping frogs belting out another obnoxious version of the abc song. That same gag reflex-inducing smell from the kids rooms has also taken over the car. And the back of my car, previously luxuriously spacious begging for me to go shopping to fill it with treasure is now busting at the seams with strollers, bikes, porta cribs and all sorts of unrecognizable midget proportioned trinkets.

Lets not even get into my purse. That is just embarassing. Lets just say that should you ever take part in a scavenger hunt, come to my house. You'll find everything you need in my elephant bag. What happened to the days when the only thing I slung over my shoulder that was busting at the seam was my wallet spilling over with the bounty of money I made as.... oh... an administrative assistant?! (nevermind)

Since when did child bearing give your life (and your sanity at times) over to the chaotic, naughty whims of the whimsical and previously fictional elves of our childhood fairy tales. I feel as if I have been lied to my entire life. "No Sarah "Justin" (my imaginary trouble making friend) is not real, YOU must have made this mess. Well, I am an adult now and I must insist... MESSES AND MISCHIEF can be caused by unseen forces. I give my word, that if I ever HAPPEN to stuff a thousand cotton balls down the toilet causing it to flood the entire neighborhood... I will take credit for it. Until then... does anyone have the number for a good imp exterminator?!

Mister Negotator

"Mommy, come sit with me on the chair." my little boy gives me an irrisistible grin and pats the couch beside him. My heart melts.

I told him an hour ago it was bedtime. He went willingly; jumped on my back and we galloped into his bedroom. He knelt beside his bed and said, "Mommy, I want to say prayers tonight." He thanks Heavenly Father for our blessings, for our family and that mommy is a 'good cooker'. He asks that his Daddy come home safely and closes, 'love thee, in the name of Jesus Christ amen.' My heart is swelling with pride.

"Good night bud, " I start to say.

"Now I want to sing you a song Mommy." and he sings me every song he's ever learned in nursery.

"You are a very good singer bud! Now it's time to go to..."

"Wait mommy, I want to talk to you!"

"What do you want to talk about bud?"

"Hmmmm... lets see... lets talk about the animals at the zoo...."

....starting to see where this is going? But I have to give him points for his negotiating skills. Those will come in handy some day right? If his words aren't always convincing that sly little smile will get me every time!

So he proceeds to tell me all about the zoo: we don't like the snakes, they get you all slimy. Bet you didn't know the monkeys are always mad and will punch you in the face...you do now. 'You dont' need to be scared of the bears mommy, they can't eat you they keep them in bear cages.' and on and on and on. His tale is so entertaining I can't bear to leave him so when he suggests we move our story time to the living room I am sold and I tell him 5 more minute.... what a sucker.

Then, comes his adorable invitation to snuggle with him on the couch as I am closing all the blinds. I smile and make my way over to sit with my favorite little story teller. Oh, how I love this little boy!

"....but you have a big bum mommy, so I'll have to sit on your lap."

....back to bed....

ooooohhhhh sooooo close... and yet so far....

Who's THAT kids mom...?!

...when I have kids... they'll NEVER behave like that!

That's what I told myself before I was a mommy. I would sit in sacrament meeting discusted with all the future hoodlums that were jumping on the pews, fighting with their siblings and turning the lights on and off. When I had kids they would be perfect. They would sit quietly on the pew with their arms folded, reading their Book of Mormon Stories quiet book and every once in a while the would lay their precious little heads against me and REVERENTLY whisper, "Mommy, I love you."

HAHAHAHAHA....

little did I know...

Don't get me wrong, my kids do pretty well for a 3 year old and 18 month old. I haven't had to chase them up on the stand... yet. BUT everyone in my ward knows what I'M wearing each week because inevitably all eyes are on me as I am dragging one of my little cherubs out because the reverent, reflective time that they are passing the sacrament is just such a cherry opportunity to make a public service announcement that SOMEONE has to go poop. Nice. It's alright, I don't mind the snickers... I'm right there with everyone else snickering at the little girl that decides to show everyone her Pony panties during the primary program!

I will admit that I am kind of a strict mom, and sometimes I think I forget how young my kids are and what their capabilities are. Also, I guess I'm worrying too much about what those other couples that haven't been blessed with the opportunity of parenthood are thinking. I'm the mean mom that is fighting my kids to actually sit on the bench through sacrament just waiting for that perfect vision of mine to come true, and in the mean time causing more of a commotion than anything. Then just when I think we're starting to conquer sacrament meeting I am informed that little Mister Mischief has been acting a little "aggressively" in nursery. In lay mans terms: my kid is THAT kid. Who's THAT kids mom?!

There has to be a happy medium between understanding your kids developmental abilities and teaching them appropriate social behavior.

Any words of wisdom? REALLY I want to know!!!